Well, I'm back. Sorry I was gone for one for so long, my puppy Gizmo chewed on my laptop charger, so I couldn't use it, haha. I just watched the episode of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. My mom and dad think that it's pretty weird that I like competive reality shows. But I can't help it; they are so addicting. Soooo, it was REALLY good. I hope Stephanie wins; She's my favorite. :D
I've been having this problem with my family going on... I wanted to have a family barbeque for my 16th birthday with just my family. ( I want to celebrate with my friends seperate; It's hard to celebrate in a trailer park lol. ) And my cousin Amanda said I could have it at her house... But my mom didn't really like that idea because I think she's planning something special for me... On Friday, my grandmother took me to my Aunt Gail's house, and what happened was shocking. I had told my Aunt that I didn't have a bathing suit, and when she asked why (apparently, they are on sale EVERYWHERE.) I told her that we had to conserve money. I know I didn't and still don't NEED a bathing suit; It's not a nessesity. But, of course, she had extras, so she said I could borrow one of her's to go swimming in her pool. It was a black one piece, and I think I looked really good in it. My aunt noticed it too, and told me "I got that for Amanda when she was pregnate; it looks great on you!" (Amanda is my aunt's daughter.) I knew she meant it as a compliment, and I appriciated it... But all I could think about was the word "pregnate". My mom had made a snide comment about the word relateing to me before during the Father's Day Weekend in Tehachipi, but nothing ever since. ( My mom said she was sorry and that she was joking; then she got me books. I understood completely. Besides, I love my mom.) It stuck... Hard. I felt gross and huge and chubby and fat. I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out again. But, instead of all those options, I said "Thank you." the best I could and dived underwater. But that's not even the worst thing; They started talking about my brother. They weren't bad mouthing him or anything, nothing like that. They told me about how he grew up around them all the time; how his emotions were and how he played and how he laughed and how he did EVERYTHING. They knew so much about him, and instead of enjoying the loveable stories, I wanted to cry so much. My brother and I have a HUGE age difference (19 years apart) and I don't know him very well. I know he has got some of my blood, even more than my grandmother's and my aunt's. It really sucked. So I talked about it to my mom and dad yesterday, mainly my mom. I asked my mom how much Ken hanged around with my dad's side of the family (which would be my aunt and grandmother) and she told me "Did they say _________ and _________ and _______?" and surprisingly, they did. So I asked how she knew and she told me that they said the same thing when she entered the family (She's ken's Stepmom, but he always calls her mom. she came into the family when he was ten and I've never seen him closer with anyone else in the family besides my dad.) Apparently, Ken turned out SO great that it only happened with THEIR help. Ken never stayed with my aunt in Las Vegas for a whole summer after he moved to Bakersfield with my mom and dad; it was only less than 2 weeks because he left for home early. It made me realize that they really did NOT like my mom... and that even though I had half of my dad's blood, I also had half of my mom's and that they could possibly resent me for that. It sucks, but I know i'm going to stick by my mom no matter what.
My friend Madison came over today and we hung out. She did my nails! :) She painted them black and put pink flowers on them. She thought they looked like sea stars. I love them because they are STILL BEAUTIFUL. After she left, I talked with my mom and dad more and my mom fell down the steep steps we have in the trailer. That was the first time I heard my mom really curse. I've never even thought of hearing the F word in my own home. My jaw dropped. My mom might have twisted/fractured/broken her knee! :O My dad kept saying that she was okay, but I was still scared. So if she doesn't feel better by tomorrow, then we are taking her to the hospital.
Well, that's everything so far, so I'll update again sometime later. By the way, all of your comments have been making me smile and inspire me to try harder everyday. Thank you friends! I love you! Ciao! ;D